I'm an angry man.

I'm serious.

I'm an angry man.

I can thank the Evangelical Lutheran Church for this revelation, confirmed by a personality battery I took about two years ago. It said had problems expressing anger and that I would often try to avoid confrontation if it threatened my sense of personal well-being. Well, they were quite right. But it had more to do than with me being timid, and more with me just getting tired of offending people. Explanation...

I am NOT a quiet soul. I had a habit of stepping, unintentionally, on people's toes and feelings and views because of my unbridled exuberence and joy. Was I arrogant? Well, yeah, a bit. But I also had strong feelings and convictions and when you're trying to actually DO something, well, you have to DO something which means getting the attention of anyone who is doing something else or is doing nothing. Consequently you're easy to see, easy to target, and easy to criticize. I did learn a lot about the importance of listening, of giving others their space, and respecting boundaries in ways that give people room to feel safe, breathe, and grow. It was good.

But that's not why I got shy of confronting people.

I got shy because everytime I'd try worship ideas I'd get some status quo church crony up in arms that I didn't follow the script. Or I'd mention a word like 'beer' when talking to church people and I'd be labeled as a 'risk for our youth'. After years of hearing that kinda swill you just sorta clam up.

But I'm done now. DONE.

My pastor in Geneva, Lusmarina Campos Garcia (www.genevalutheran.ch) helped me to acknowledge and accept my radical nature. I had to accept it. Denying it was making me neurotic and touchy - much like those who were oh-so eager to rub my nose in my own crap while ignoring the mountainous PILES they squeezed through their backsides day-in and day-out. And since, this frustration, this heat, I now know as a pure and brilliant anger - a righteous anger.


-Francisco